Lessons In Oneness – The Spider

I opened the blinds near my workspace to let some sunlight in one morning and drew in a huge gasp as I took in the largeness of the spider that had made a home for itself outside my window. I had never seen one that big in real life. I’ve been terrified of them ever since one crawled up my nose when I was four. I’d stomped, smashed, and washed away many. I did not yet have the wisdom and understanding I have now, so, I wanted it gone – dead even. But I wasn’t going to go handle it and my Other Half, as big and tall as he is, was not going to do it either. So, it stayed there.

It gave me the willies and I kept the blinds closed for days. It wasn’t a thick spider but it spanned very wide, colored black with alternating patterns of fresh grass green. I would get curious from time to time and peek at it. Fear subsided a little bit when I realized that it was out there and that I was in here. I could easily see it from the window but I couldn’t see the web very well. I thought it had to have been pretty immaculate to house such a big creature. I went outside and quickly walked to the complete other side of the deck. I was more than fine with being a distant onlooker. It really was a big web, and there were about ten babies in there. “It” instantly became a “she”, and my desire for her to go away dissolved into thin air.

When the rain started pouring down later that day, I immediately ran to the window, dreading that she and her babies had been drowned out and blown away. But no, there they were. She had spun her web in a very strategic location in the corner, made by the part of the deck that came right up against the house, next to my window. The water seemed to hit and drip down every other spot but where they were dwelling. Their web was unmoved by the winds.

I was missing my daughter like crazy. Still in the middle of a heated custody battle, trying to maintain focus on my goals, and on doing what was best for her, I learned a deeply powerful lesson from gazing upon that spider on a rainy day. Just like her, I was weathering storms and doing what I had to do to protect and care for my baby. I learned an incredible lesson in Oneness.

From the greatest to the smallest of life forms, we are All governed by the same Universal and Divine Laws. It is a woman’s Divine Right and duty to defend and protect her offspring, by any means necessary. Sometimes protecting our children requires the ability to see different options and plan and execute a strategy. This is what the She Spider taught me.

I put my fears aside and opened up to the Wisdom she had come to give. She may have been terrifying, but she was a mother too.

As a present and Awakened Being, I have learned to love and respect the spider.

Representing the ability to see life’s situations and experiences from many perspectives, making strong connections, and being a weaver and creatrix of reality, the eight legged freak has become a great teacher and a welcomed friend on my personal animal totem. The lessons I’ve learned through studying and observing the spider have served me well and will continue to help me consciously create and manifest the life I desire.

Namaste and Blessed Be.


Excerpts & Insights from Chapter 1 of Nobody Puts Crack Baby in a Corner

“I wish my birth parents had some cool and romantic story to tell me about how they met, and how I was conceived in love and passion.

They could have been childhood friends turned high school sweethearts who never lost their spark. Or they could’ve met in college and spent the summer after finishing their undergrad studies backpacking across foreign lands, doing work in The Peace Corps, seeing and saving the world together. Or maybe he was stationed overseas in the Navy when he saw her on base and he just had to have her. She was swept off her feet and when he proposed, she said yes.

In any case, they were in love, positively and forever smitten. They got married and had a house full of happy, healthy kids, and now they’re enjoying their grandbabies, still side by side.

The harsh reality is that my mother was a whore, my father was a trick, and they had met at a dope spot on Bromley in East Oakland, California.

If I had come just a decade earlier, I could have been a seventies love child with a cool name like Rainbow Spirit. But my parents are black, so they may have been really “radical” and named me something Afrocentric, like Assata or Malika. I could have lived with either one.

I was born in nineteen eighty six, smack in the middle of the crack epidemic.

Oakland in the eighties was the Mecca of dope, gang violence, prostitution, and pretty much any other type of debauchery one could think of. If you’ve been there recently or if you watch the news, you know that not much has changed. I suppose my parents were just slaves to the culture.”


This burned me so bad for many years, especially as I entered adulthood and became pregnant with a child of my own. Being conceived from a drug induced, pay-per-hump, loveless explosion is so not kosher. If they had been hippies on some sort of psychedelic and I was brought into the world being loved and cherished, I could have dealt with the irresponsibility. What really mattered to me growing up was that they just didn’t care – not about each other, not about life, and most certainly not about me.


Stay tuned for more Excerpts & Insights

Nobody Puts Crack Baby in a Corner – Behind The Title

Inspired by Johnny’s famed line from the ending scenes of the cult classic film Dirty Dancing, the title of my debuting novel is my personal mission statement. It’s a very clear message stating that the situation I was born into, my personal past, and other people’s expectations and views do not determine what is possible for my future. I’ve always wanted to write books and now that I’m on the path toward doing so, I feel like I’ve woken up and rubbed the crust from my eyes after a really long sleep.

This book was originally going to be entitled White Washed and most of the subject matter was centered around my experiences growing up in foster care. While those details still play a major part in my story as a whole, as I started to (seriously) write, I watched the book warp and form into something completely different from what I originally set out to do. New authors are often given advice that says to “go for what you know”, and I did.

What I didn’t realize is that what I know is the merely a final product, made up of what I’ve experienced, observed, felt, seen, thought, etc. When I began to tap into everything that went into making me the woman I am today, it became much more than a story, it became a legend – one that I knew my ancestors would be proud of, and one that I knew my descendents would treasure and learn from. I understood that the task at hand was about more than entertaining people, it was about teaching and healing, and that sharing my story could open the door for opportunities to share the wisdom gained. This story is about healing my family’s karma, and I’m hopeful that being so transparent will help others do the same for their families.

Having lived this story, one might assume that writing it would be a big, moist, piece of chocolate cake, but the experience has been far from that. There were some parts that I could spit out with no problems, parts that were of no consequence, funny parts. But there is a lot of darkness in my story and detailing those painful memories forced me to relive them. Taking my mind back through feelings of abandonment, displacement, remembering the abuse, and thinking about all of the mistakes I made that only served to exacerbate certain situations was a cross that I was not yet willing or able to bear. I dragged my knuckles for months. I outlined the book piece by piece, I wrote here and there, but the apprehension loomed and part of me was not ready. As it seems, I was putting myself in a corner through self sabotage.

I engaged my rituals and put all of my energy into them, since I couldn’t hunker down and focus on writing. I began to ask that my energy would be cleared and that my past and the people in it would be forgiven, and that I could truly forgive myself for the part I played. I listened (meditation) more than I spoke (prayer) and what I heard was that it was all already forgiven and that what I really needed to do was call out and slay the parts of my ego that were still holding me back from my purpose – the parts of me that held steadfastly on to the hurt. In a move that is completely uncharacteristic of me, I strayed from my stubborn ways and let go, and the possibilities for my life became magnified.

My subconscious mind clearly had a much bigger picture of what this story should be about than my waking mind could ever have fathomed. It transformed from being about amusing racial discourse into a full on memoir, and it’s phenomenal. Arrogant much? No. I say it with an assured sense of self and with humble pride in what I’ve done and with childlike hope in my eyes about what’s to come. Having pulled myself out of the corner, fully aware and ready to move in sync with what life has to offer, I’m ready to make my debut on the world stage and dance my heart out, just like Baby did.


Check out this YouTube clip for a dose of nostalgia.