*This was purely a blog site before I purchased my web domain on wordpress. It was called “Tentatively Black” and I’m going to leave this here because the message still rocks.*
I thought long and hard about what I wanted to name my blog and I eventually settled on “Tentatively Black” because I knew that people would find it alarming and questionable. But let me explain:
The definition of the word “tentative” implies uncertainty and a sense of unknowing. I’m not unsure of whether I’m black or not, I have eyes and they work just fine, great even! But the verdict is still out on what it means to BE black, or any other ethnicity for that matter. My upbringing in a white foster home has laid the groundwork for many discussion topics that I address in my book (the title is tentative btw). However, the older I get, the more I realize that the lens through which I filter my experiences in the world doesn’t always have to be black, or white, or atheist, or Christian, or speckled with dirt. I have experienced a plethora of other things in life that have nothing to do with race. They are merely experiences that I was meant to have as a human being so that I could retrieve the soul lessons – karmic lessons, if you will.
I’m gravitating daily toward the notion that my experience here as a SPIRIT is much greater than my experience as a human – a black girl – a black girl who was abandoned by her birth family – a black girl who was raised by white people – a black girl who got pregnant and quit college – a black girl who battled with depression – a girl who nearly lost the battle – a black girl who was Atheist for a little while – a black woman who let her child go far away – a black woman who fought her way back – a black woman who found her faith and spirituality – a black woman who regained her passion for life and the pursuit of her dreams.
What would happen if we fiddled around with that list a bit? What if we crossed some things out and replaced them with something else?
black girl who was abandoned by her birth family” becomes “a Mexican boy who was abandoned by his birth family”
black girl who was Atheist for a little while” becomes “a Muslim woman who was Christian for a little while”
black woman who found her faith and spirituality” becomes “a condemned man who found his peace and spirituality”
Every experience, good or bad, in this life is a variable with the exception of the spirit. The core of a persons being is forever and never changing, it’s the highest and truest self. We’re here as human beings to have these human experiences so that we can use the wisdom we gain to seek out our core. It’s often buried beneath the ego, shrouded in the memories of pain from the past and unfavorable circumstances of the present. The more we forgive ourselves and others of the past the more serenely we exist in the present, and the more effortlessly we flow in to the future. That’s not to say that difficult experiences will not still arise but we will know how to respond and overcome with grace.
The title of this blog is not a slap in the face to fellow black people. It’s me humbling myself and acknowledging the fact that black is not ALL that I am and that it doesn’t define how I’m “supposed to” think, act, believe, speak, or exist. It’s a statement. A testament to the fact that I am more than what the human eye can process. And so are you 😀